WOW! Its been a long time since I last blogged. You would think being on bed-rest for the last 5 weeks I would have had some motivation to write. However, it has been quite the opposite. I have gone through the five stages of grief and felt it wouldn't be right to simply blog about all the depressing feelings I've had, at least until I could find some humor in those feelings myself. Now that I can see a shimmer of light at the end tunnel I'm dealing much better with my current circumstances. I was placed on bed-rest at 31 weeks for mild pre-eclampsia, if you don't know what that it is then Google it. I can assure you enough information will pop up that will scare the crap out of you even if you're not pregnant!
It was a Monday morning and I was feeling pretty good, I was cleaning out some cabinets in the bathroom trying to make room for baby things when I got "The Call". It was my doctor's office, and the sweet soft voice on the other line was my doctor's nurse. She proceeded ever so cautiously to tell me the doctor had ordered me to be on bed-rest until further notice. I instantly got a lump in my throat trying to hold back the tears. You see being a labor & delivery nurse, I know what bed-rest entails, and in that moment all I could think of was how I thought this pregnancy had been miserable up to this point, now it was fixing to really SUCK! She gives me my instructions; only allowed to get up to use the restroom, shower, and quickly grab something to eat from the kitchen. Needless to say after hanging up the phone the tears came rolling down my puffy face...
So week one was pretty much spent laying lifeless on the couch feeling sorry for myself, having several episodes of crying a day. Crying over silly things really, like maternity clothes...I had all these cute maternity clothes that I hadn't even got to wear yet and now what?! Its not like I'm going anywhere to wear them. And baby showers, I hadn't even had my first baby shower, it was actually scheduled for the following Saturday. I was determined I would not be missing it! I can prop my feet up just as good there as I can at home. Then I cried because I was actually starting to feel like doing a little walking (except for when my feet where doubled in size) now what was going to happen? As if I haven't already gained enough weight I'm just gonna have to lay here and watch my body morph into something even more unfamiliar! Not sure if its the hormones that are making me cry so much or the thought of being stranded in this bed for the next 9 weeks. O yes, week one was quite a selfish site to see...
It wasn't until week 3 that I began to snap out of my self-absorbed behavior and started to be thankful that I still was carrying my baby and so far with each ultrasound and non-stress test that was ran he looked great! At this point I'm crying because I feel bad about crying about it in the first place! Friends have stopped by, some bearing food and others gifts! I L-O-V-E the company, however I cry when they leave knowing they get to return to their normal lives while I lay here leaving a very noticeable impression of my body on the couch.
The highlight of each week is my doctor's appointment! I get to take a 45 minute car ride, one in which we pass a McDonald's so I get a quick little breakfast "treat"..which beats the heck out of the cold cereal I've been eating every day. Not that I want anything whatsoever to be wrong while at these appointments, but I will be honest the first couple of weeks I was kinda hoping something might need "further investigation" say later on in the week; which in turn would allow for another trip out of the house!!
Week 4..delirium has set in. The days pass by so slow its like watching paint dry. Sure I have tons of books I could be reading or movies that I haven't seen, but for some reason none of that appeals to me. Before I got pregnant I could sleep anywhere, anytime...now when sleep would actually help pass the time I can't even force myself to take a daytime nap. I've considered stabbing myself with a pencil, just a flesh wound-nothing serious...hopefully requiring a stitch or two, anything to get out of this house!!
Just wrapped up week 5 and now starting on week 6. I have ventured out a couple of times to the mailbox only to get busted once by my "bed-rest enforcing" mom and another by my grandmother. There have been some perks to this whole situation; one being, my house is cleaner than its ever been thanks to my mom and grandma's who have worked their butts off keeping my house from turning into a dump. Two, we've ate better in the last few weeks than in our entire 2 1/2 years of married life, thanks to friends and family who have dropped of delicious home cooked meals!
It has been a very long and slow 5 weeks so far. I've had a lot of time to pray, think of every possible thing that could go wrong, pray some more, scare myself to death about how bad labor is going to hurt, pray some more...Many people have said "well your a labor & delivery nurse at least you know what to expect" they're right I do know what's coming which makes the thought of labor even more terrifying. Ahh, ignorance is bliss, when it comes to delivering a baby. Then I have women tell me, "really its not that bad, and will be over with before you know it" Can I just say no woman I've ever labored who was dilated 10cm, with an urge to push while feeling the "burning ring of fire" has ever looked up at me and said "you know this really isn't that bad." Of course there are those lucky ones who had a pain free delivery with a phenomenal epidural, if that was your experience consider yourself lucky because that's not always how it goes, and considering nothing has gone as I had anticipated or expected so far I'm just gonna go ahead and prepare myself for the worst.
So now here I set 36 weeks and I can see that little light streaming in from the far end of the tunnel as I gradually get closer! Despite how miserable I am, I can honestly say I am soooo thankful that my baby boy is still inside of me growing and getting stronger everyday. I can't wait to meet him...I know it will be worth the heartburn that wakes me from my sleep, every headache, every sharp stabbing pain in my ribs, the swollen feet, legs, face and hands when I hold that little man in my arms....then after that sweet precious moment.. he's grounded! :)
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